Nanazzha no Sekai

My Toilet Paper is Obese.

Posted on: March 8, 2011

No, really. I reached to tug off a piece of toilet paper to blow my nose on, and by just barely touching it, it and the little bar thingy holding it to my toilet paper holder fell off.

Well, maybe my hand is obese.

But the main reason why I am posting this right now is because I have something better than skeletons in my closet…:

I have spiders in my bathroom.

BAM!! Betcha didn’t see that one coming ^^ OH, I win.

I currently have 2, though at one point I had 3, and at another, 4. The first 4 that decided to take up residence in my little toilet area inevitably ended up dead though.

I don’t like spiders.

But, let’s drop that for the moment.

Since at this point I only have 2, today I decided to hold a little conversation with one of them in my mind. I named him Tom.

The one on the opposite wall is Jemimah. She’s one freaking huge-ass daddy long-legs.

You know, I really have no idea what their genders are, but “frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

At first I thought up all male names, but then I realized that there was definitely, most likely a female in the party somewhere.

And right now, I just realized that having all male spiders in my showering zone would be really awkward.

That was actually what my conversation with Tom was about..kinda.

It was a really really really really short talk.

We just had the generic, “Hey, how are you?” pleasantry swap. Then I told him that it must be really awkward for him to have to see me showering every night.

It’s a good thing spiders have modest, intra-racial-only tastes.

Tom’s so gentlemanly, he looks away X)

There’s actually a 4th little one chilling against a wall and a door frame in our hallway, and at first I decided to name him Timmy, but I think Jimmy would be better.

The 3rd that I could have sworn was in my bathroom disappeared. As of today, he was Larry.

I think that one was responsible for the bite on my butt.

Back to my arachnophobia.

Don’t give me that whole, “face your fears!” shift. I will die, and I will come back as a zombie.

And I will stalk you and eat your..um….ears.

I might have eaten your brain had you, by any chance, owned any.. but I think I might be allergic.

Sorry this post isn’t that long, but I really have nothing else random to put in here.

I did take the CAHSEE today though (the California High School Exit Exam) which is basically given to all sophomores in high school to make sure they are not so mentally insufficient that they can’t get through a multiple choice test that asks things like: “If n=15, what is -n?”

I’m glad schools are so supportive of those who are unable to understand that they are not considered mentally retarded.

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8 Responses to "My Toilet Paper is Obese."

dudette, one word….vacuum. I used to hate clearing away the spiders and I can’t bring myself to squash/pinch-then-flush them by hand. You guys have a Dyson, put it to good use. I miss Kazzi-bot, she used to be my spider-venger.
btw, like me new email address? it’s actually legit!

hm… yeah, but i think i’ll keep them around for a little while ^^ i get bored in the shower X) i will have to look at your e-mail after i finish responding to the rest of these comments :D

Wait, why aren’t female Pholcus phalangioides called mommy long legs? They can’t all be daddies as we all prob learnt in pre-school. Of course nowadays there are mommy-mommy and daddy-daddy families and studies show they are actually better parents than your traditional set of parents.

i think these spideys have it right, they started with the whole daddy-daddy thing long before we did X) nah just kidding.. that’s a good question.. there is actually a book called Daddy Long Legs.
I remember listening to you tell me about that study ^^ man, it’s a good world we live in now(-ish)

You are so funny! I love your random rants….more PLEASE! Personally, I’ve never held a convo with any of the things crawling in my bathroom…i just squish them without thinking about it…. Atleast I used to. I was showering 3 nights ago … happily shampooing my hair, blowing the foamy bubbles all over the shower and wishing I had some dandelions with me, and then it happened. I looked up and saw a HUGE cockroach climbing up the shower curtain. Cockroaches in LA is what field mice are in SF. I am currently looking for a new place to live.

hm.. thank you! i decided it was probably time i posted something in the random category so you two would have something to read, finally.. um.. okay, i think sharon and i have the better deal X( cockroaches are gross, too bad they are our only chance of surviving the apocalypse.. if at all >.<

On another note…all spiders in your toilet area are dead …..: (takes a deep breath)

* They didn’t read the signs and took up residence in a toxic area.
*Britney Spears’ “Toxic” must be their favorite party jam.
* They’re bad spies if they can’t see that coming. ( u might need to read that few times to get it)
* I suppose your home made gas bombs are more lethal than you thought.
*That’s sh**ty.
*Spider #4 bit ur butt because it created the weapon that killed its family.
*They should use all their legs power and move to a nicer neighborhood.
* Toilet area should be renamed “Chamber of Death”
*That story is a tough web to weave.
* If you were born in the Chinese Zodiac sign of the monkey, your super hero alter ego can be the “Spider-Monkey Girl”
*Quit monkeying around and get back to work!
* I hope this isn’t a silly web of lies.
* You can collect the dead spiders and bake them into cookies for your …um..”friends”!

-sighsighsighsigh- i have to say that i did chuckle at a few.. but seriously.. -sighpause…..sigh….sigh- what am i gonna do with you…

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